Mum's On A Diet

My mother has recently been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroid graves disease a few years earlier. Since finding out she has decided to diligently watch and track all her food and excercise.
I'm really happy that she has decided to be so healthy, I even showed her my favourite food tracking apps. But she is getting obsessive about it. She tracks everything, bought a fitbit, and is constantly checking her stats throughout the day. I want to support her but I'm actually jealous.
She's my mother. She's 50. She's had 4 kids. And right now she is healthier than I am.
I still weigh 10kg less than her, but I know she is going to get skinny soon and I don't know if I can handle the idea of my own mother being better than I am.
I know that makes me a horrible person. I know.

Not so fucking awesome

Yeah so I suck at teaching. I get all the lesson plans correct. I do everything right. I try so hard. But I still just hate working with children. Seriously. 

Hill Tribe Hangs

You know what sounds like a great idea?
Going up to the mountains with 29 10th grade students for 5 days.
It's a bloody dream come true.. Right... Right?

I joke. It wasn't that bad. The 4 hour ride, squished between the door and a guitar, was made even better by the 10 roasted chickens that were placed under my knee.
Total perk of being the bosses daughter is knowing that if there is no more room in the car, I get to sit in the boot! Hells yeah. Aside from not having any feeling from my waist down, it was a decent trip.

We spent a night with an old friend of mine in the Karen village. I actively avoided these places growing up. I hated that I lived in Thailand and refused to join these trips. Now I hate myself for not going more often.

It's seriously beautiful there. Sleeping on wooden floors, waking up to the animal noises. It's actually amazing.

The kids wern't quite as happy. They thought that they were roughing it back in the hotel in HangDong. Then they realised that they needed to shower with a bucket of cold water. The horror. Even better was the realisation that the only bathroom was a good old fashioned squatty potty... Tears were shed.

Unfortunatly, roughly 16 hours in to said trip, I became ill. I'm not talking sniffles. I'm talking things spewing out of all ends. I'm talking about passing out every time I had to stand up. So I got sent home early. Yay?

Sick of it.

I'm so sick of anxiety.
I'm so sick of depression.
I'm so sick of bulimia.
I'm so sick of hurting.
I'm so sick of binging.
I'm so sick of being crazy.

Alti Coffee Rant

Nope, nope, nope.
My wonderful coffee haven has failed me.
I think I need a minute......

Located just across the road from my humble couch dwelling, is a small coffee roasters.
This place has saved my life. Every time I come here I have had a perfect coffee. I mean perfect. There may have been tears involved as I drank said coffee.
A little Thai man, with adult braces, makes the god damn best coffee in town. I would defiantly say that I have a coffee crush on him. There have been dreams about him. I am not proud of this fact, but it's true.

Here's where the horrible part comes in. The last three times I have come here, he has been missing. No worries, it's a good establishment. I'm sure the replacement Batista has been adequately trained. Right?
Wrong.
Frothy milk. Over heated. No crema on top.... Just....Just why?
I trusted you!! I loved you.
Alti Coffee, why would you do this to me!?

I can't hate on the poor woman too much. In comparison to other coffees I have had in ChiangMai, she is still in the top 10 Batista's. Hell, I made worse coffees when I first started out on my journey.
But why do you have to be so bad in comparison to my adult braces man? I am so tempted to jump behind the machine right now and offer some lessons. Just a few hours to get her up to par. All I want is that perfectly roasted coffee (Yes adult braces man also roasts all the beans here) perfectly silky milk, and perfect espresso shot.

So here I sit, broken hearted. Wanting coffee, but you departed.
Farewell my love.

Back to Melbourne?

Ash had a horrible day at work. I'm yet to learn all the details, but from what I can gather, he is done with Thailand.
Is it wrong that I'm excited about this? I mean of course I'm upset that he's had a shitty day. However, if he is pushed too far, then I really believe he will break his teaching contract. Once that's done, it's back to sweet sweet Australia for me.
I love Thailand. I love living with my parents. I love spending all this time with Ash. I love not having to give a fuck in the world. At the same time... I'm ready. It's nearly time to go home.
I miss the hospo life.
I miss the thrill of looking up at a 45 minute coffee line up and knowing I can smash that shit out.
I miss the comradery of all the staff after a shitty shift.

As shitty of a girlfriend as it makes me, I kinda hope he quits.
I can't wait to show him my beautiful Melbourne. I want to show him the cafes and the night life. I want to show him the beaches and the city. I want him to see why I love Melbourne so much.

Fingers crossed, I'll be home by 2016.

Unemployment Thrift Shop

Walk into the club like what up I got a job

I’m so pumped up from this pay check from the boss

Ice in the fridge, so damn frosty

I can afford to pay the electricity 

Rollin in hella deep, pretending I know how to think

Dressed in all black, ‘cept my supplied shirt, that’s pink

Draped in superiority, to hide the anxiety in me

Probably shouldn’t do this, because we know about my ability

PISS

But shit, it pays the rent.

I be popping it, rocking it

‘bout to rock up with some confidence,

Passing up on that sleep in, unemployment got me with

Early mornings, fuck it, man

I’m setting alarms and

making money and I’m hella happy that’s a bargain bitch

I’ma take that pay check now, I’ma take that pay check now, 

No for reals ask that chick, can I get a pay slip

I’m going to teach that class

No experience on my docket

I I I’m hunting

Looking for a lesson

This is fucking awesome

What I know about teaching a class

What do I know about writting a lesson plan

I’m digging, I’m digging, 

Onto google search

One more link, going to learn to teach some verbs.

Your mima you mammy your aunty your aunty

I’ll show you pronouns as I rock this mother fucker

Learn conjunctions as I rock this mother fucker

Throw in some similies to throw them mother fuckers

There like yo Lizzy that’s hella tight

I’m like that’s 250 for an hour

Twenty One

I guess I am now officially an adult. Ha.
Let's hope that no one expects that from me. This hospo girl is not ready to be a full grown adult yet.
I think this was proven by the way I managed to munt all over myself on the fateful birthday night.
Classy.
Ash flew me down to Bangkok and we hit the town. I may have danced on a stage at some point. It's still up for debate.
Unfortunately he stumbled across the fact that I am bulimic, via my travel notebook. Of course he doesn't understand or accept it. To be fair, he is one of those people that don't believe in therapy. In my experience people who don't believe in therapy at all, typically don't have a good understanding of any mental disorder. So we are going to have a one off chat about it at a time that he feels comfortable talking. Yeah. That will be fun.

BACK TO BIRTHDAYNESS.
I have a history of shitty birthdays. Like seriously. My 21st was beautiful. I danced. I traveled. I met some sick bitches. It was great. It was 21st worthy.